A hilarious thing I discovered this week:
Author Jennifer Armintrout started a chapter-by-chapter recap of reading 50 Shades of Grey back in April, which has made me come closer to spitting tea on my laptop than just about anything else this week.
(Well, okay, maybe this video: Trolling Saruman)
No, I have not read 50 Shades, and given the excerpts Armintrout has posted on her blog and my feelings on Twilight, it’s safe to say I probably won’t. (From her descriptions, my guess is it would be “book meet wall” by about chapter 8 or 9 for me.)
However, reading her commentary on the book is just, well…here are a couple of choice quotes:
“When she shakes his hand, Ana has some kind of short circuit situation that makes her blink like a malfunctioning Furby.”
“Still, even though he is, by her own description, an arrogant control freak who does weird things with his fingers while looking at her, Ana is completely, sexually paralyzed by his stunning physical appearance, which, as far as I can tell from the numerous superlatives Ana breathlessly recounts, is like looking directly at the face of God if God were an orgasm dipped in chocolate and the perfect pair of jeans.”
And this is just the very first chapter. As of right now, she’s got 24 more of these things up on her site.
On a related note, I will make it my life’s mission to work the phrase “blink like a malfunctioning Furby” into everyday conversation.
1. Finish current edits on 2006 NaNo WIP!
Chapter 28 is in the bag. Chapter 28 was much longer than anticipated. Chapter 29 has started. I love chapter 29. And chapter 29 should not take me a freaking week to finish.
2. Outline 2008 NaNo novel, aka my Camp NaNo project.
Pretty much where it was last week.
3. Write 30,000 words on said Camp NaNo project.
Well, I have broken 30k, though it wasn’t on the “technical” Camp NaNo project.
4. Finish Buzz articles by June 11.
5. Read at least one novel for a brain break.
I definitely did not reread the first two books in Courtney Milan’s Turner series this week. Nope. Not at all.
Seriously, after I finish this draft, you guys aren’t going to hear from me for a month. And when you’re all, “Hey, Critic, what’s up?” I’m going to say “Nothing” and “Nothing” will actually mean “I’ve read every book on my shelf, beaten every game in the Final Fantasy series, and rewatched Doctor Who and White Collar for the umpteenth time.”
And now, a Camp NaNo update!
Mmm, s’mores and writing.
Minimum word count for June 22: 35,000/50,000
My current word count: 30,108/50,000
Adventures in NaNoing: So say you have two really good friends. And you guys go a month without seeing each other, because you know, crazy stuff happens.
Then you meet up again and one friend is all “Hey, Bob proposed and we’re going to Cabo next month to get married!” And the other friend goes “OMG that’s great! I’m pregnant!” And then you sit back and say “Well, I got a new job and I’m moving to Hawaii!”
And you guys spend the next five hours comparing gossip on what’s happened to you and what’s happened to your families and how on Earth you’re going to make it to friend A’s wedding and friend B’s baby shower while still packing to leave for Hawaii on time.
You know that?
That was chapter 28 for me. Four characters, haven’t seen each other in about 3 weeks, catching up on all the crap that’s happened in the past 17 chapters and figuring out what to do next. Only it was less “babies and marriage” and more “demons and riots and by the way, brother dear, I can use magic, did you know that?”
Screw engagement, I want to have THAT conversation with my friends. “What have you been up to these past three weeks?” “Oh, you know, killed a demon, quelled a riot, single-handedly stopped a fire from devouring Woodland Hills Mall. How was your June?”
Very Short Excerpt:
Mason shook his head. “So…wait. She’s Ruby?”
The tone of Mason’s voice had changed, and Ari had the uncomfortable feeling he was in trouble. “Yes?”
Mason coughed delicately. “Don’t tell His Highness that it’s his sister who fought a demon with you.”
Ari had no intention of telling the prince any more than absolutely necessary of what had happened in the past few weeks. He could just imagine the man’s reaction.
“You did WHAT?”
Unfortunately, it seemed the princess did not share that same intention.